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Manchester United’s 2025/26 season has been pure soap opera. Sure, it has a big budget – £200m spent on a new trio of attacking heavyweights in the summer – and a star-studded cast but the writing is trashy, the plot twists too obvious.

The Portuguese villain masterminding a Carabao Cup exit away to Grimsby Town? Do me a favour, at least try and make it believable. It finished 12-11 on penalties? Of course it did.

Sesko’s difficult start

That unmitigated disaster on the banks of the Humber was a rich weave of sub-plots, chief among them the mounting pressure on Benjamin Sesko.

The towering Slovenian was brought in as part of the heavy summer outlay on a new frontline, but he got off to a slow start in front of goal for United and was the last outfield player to take a penalty in the shootout.

It wasn’t a good look for the marquee centre-forward who was handed his first start for the club in what was as close to a gimme fixture as they were likely to get.

That he converted his spot kick – taken so late because of cramp – is barely relevant. The...